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Dating After Divorce: 10 Rules For A Stress-Free Love Life Post-Split
Article by: KarmaVille Staff
March 27, 2013

Dating After Divorce: 10 Rules For A Stress-Free Love Life Post-Split

Getting divorced is a very traumatic thing to go through.  While some divorces are messier than others, any divorce can take an emotional toll on a person and the thought of dating again can be frightening.  Once the divorce is over and you are ready to get yourself back out into the dating world, you should make sure you go about it in the right way, the non-stressful way.

HuffingtonPost.com lists 10 rules for you to follow in order to have a stress-free love life after your divorce.  Here are the 10 rules:

1. Get In Touch With Yourself First.

Before you even think about going on your first date post-split, make sure to get back on track with yourself and adjust to your new single lifestyle. Seltzer recommends focusing on exploring new interests, cultivating a healthy lifestyle and renewing your image with a wardrobe update.

"The first step is getting back to basics and figuring out what your passions are, and also feeding your spirit and getting really solid with yourself," Seltzer says. "It can be overwhelming, so really focus on you first before you get back into the dating pool.”

2. Find Some Single Friends.

Finding a group of single friends is the next step, says Seltzer (she adds, "If you don't have 'em, get 'em!"). Going out and having a good time with friends can be a great way to both boost your confidence, adapt to your new single lifestyle and meet people. You never know who will catch your eye at a bar, coffee shop or play -- and if you see someone who interests you, don't be afraid to say hello (see rule #3).

If most of your friends are married and you're having a hard time meeting like-minded singles, Seltzer recommends joining groups or clubs based on your interests or attending networking events.

3. Don't Rush.

If you're still experiencing anger towards your former spouse and haven't moved past constant thoughts of your marriage, you may not be ready to start dating yet.

According to Marni Battista, relationship coach and founder of Dating with Dignity, you'll know that you're ready when you can talk about your ex without having to put him or her down.

4. Get Online (And Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help).

The new technology of dating can be very stressful, Battista tells the Huffington Post. "Texting, sexting, chatting, Skyping, instant messaging, dating sites...All of that can really stress someone out and they can get overwhelmed and they may not do it correctly, which reinforces many of their fears or beliefs that dating is hard.”

While you shouldn't feel overwhelming by the changing role of technology in the dating scene, it may still help to educate yourself on new developments so that you can text and date online with confidence. These days, the stigma of online dating has all but vanished -- so don't be shy about turning to others for their wisdom when you're struggling with that "about me" section.

“Spend some time doing a little research," advises Battista. "Become educated with information. Seek out your friends and ask for help.”

5. Don't Get Down On Yourself When Things Don't Work Out.

Dating always comes with the possibility that things won't work out the way you hoped. But by viewing dating as practice, you can minimize stress and anxiety around encounters that may not have gone as you'd hoped.

"Try to have a mindset that it’s just going to be fun, and that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get your Prince Charming," says Seltzer.

6. Fake It 'Til You Make It.

Although you don't want to dive into the dating pool until you're ready, if it's been a year and you're still afraid to go on that first date, it might be time to adopt the old "fake it 'til you make it" strategy to boost your dating confidence. There is scientific evidence that suggests pretending to be confident can actually make you more confident. In a recent Huffington Post article about how acting in love helps you stay in love, Dr. Craig Malkin discussed the benefits of this technique. The lesson is simple, Malkin writes: "First we act; then we feel."

7. Don't Dish On The Details Too Early.

You want your date to see you for all the things that make you who you are -- not just as someone who's recently gone through a tough divorce.

“Save the story of your past for when you have a connection," says Battista. "Then they can put you in context with who you are now, not to just try to paint that picture against the backdrop of your divorce."

8. Make Time To De-Stress Before A First Date.

First dates are nerve-racking for everyone -- not just recent divorcees. But you can keep the jitters at bay (and make sure not to come across as too nervous) by taking a little time while you're prepping to get yourself relaxed and centered.

"Take a moment to get calm and take a few deep breaths and envision you going on this date and having a great time," says Battista. "Spend even 60 seconds imagining the date being what you want it to be, rather than what you’re afraid of."

9. Don't Be Afraid To Take Risks.

Dating can bring out our worst fears of the unknown, causing us to hold back and avoid taking risks when it comes to our love lives. Once you've gotten back on your feet and have established a single life that you love, then you can turn your focus to dating again.

"Ask yourself if you like your life the way it is now –- are you looking for a person to add to it, or to fill in the gaps? You [should be] dating from a place of opportunity rather than a fear," says Battista.

To get past your fear of putting yourself out there, try to look at dating as an opportunity for self-discovery, rather than just a way to get a new love interest. This way, you'll be focusing first on your own needs, which will make for a less stressful dating experience -- and will help you to find someone who truly meets your needs and contributes positively to your life.

Click here to read 10!

 

Source: huffingtonpost.com


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Comments
Posted By: tolbert | 3/27/13 12:17 PM
Dont date somone that is like the person you just divorced
Posted By: HardKnocks202 | 3/27/13 1:07 PM
That is an awesome bit to add.
Posted By: verelli | 3/27/13 12:28 PM
Getting down on yourself will just prolong your ability to find a new partner
Posted By: tawny | 3/27/13 10:34 PM
Learn to love you and only you. Learn what you like to do and not do. Only when you completely know and love yourself, can you love someone else.
Posted By: Gibbons | 3/28/13 3:07 PM
If you dont take a risk you will never be able to really fall deeply in love(if thats what you want)

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